“Max, I need you to do a little favor for me.”
It was the “little” that should have warned him. He obviously missed it. “Okay, what do you have?”
“Well, we’re having a baby shower for Linda this evening. Don’t ask me why, but I’m dragging my husband, Don, to it, and I don’t want him to be the only man there.”
“I don’t know; that’s a very feminine world. I don’t even know the rules.”
“They’re really simple, and I’ll educate you.”
There was a long pause as Max tried to think of a credible excuse for bowing out.
“If nothing else, you’ll get a free meal out of it.”
“What?”
“We’re having it in one of the meeting rooms at the hotel, and they’re catering a meal before we present our gifts.”
“I don’t mind chipping in for the meal, but… Well, I mean, this isn’t exactly a guy thing.”
“That’s precisely why I don’t want Don to be the only man there, and the meal is covered. Come on, let’s go buy a gift for her.”
It was obvious that Allison was not going to take no for an answer. Max’s initial reaction when she said she was dragging her husband to the shower was: “Oh, the poor bastard!” Now he was thinking, “poor bastards,” and he was one of them. Allison escorted him to the department store and then to the infant apparel section.
“Since you’re a man it’s got to be a man type of gift. Something practical.” She picked up a package of diapers. The next thing she picked up were a pair of infant pajamas. “Very plain, but practical,” she said. “They’ll be nice and warm. See, they even have little feet in them.”
“What if the kid’s born with big clod hoppers?”
Allison laughed. “They’ll fit fine. Trust me on this.”
“You’re the expert.”
The store had gift wrappers who wrapped the diapers and pajamas in paper that seemed a bit too cute to Max, but what did he know? This was a woman’s thing. He and Allison then went to one of the burger places for lunch.
“Now for the rules. All you have to remember is that the expression to use when she’s opening a gift is ah!”
“Ahhh!”
“That’s it! In case you’re wondering, Ooo’s are reserved for wedding showers.”
They finished launch and returned to the office. “Don and I will come and get you when it’s time.”
At five thirty she and Don entered Max’s office. Don was displaying the same expression Max’s dog had on its face when Max took him to the veterinarian. Allison led the way. Max and Don followed like two reluctant boys in tow.
“Thank you for doing this,” Don said. “How’d she talk you into it?”
“She’s very persuasive.”
“Tell me about it!”
They sat down at the table in the meeting room. Gini sat next to Max.
Linda was sitting at the head of the table. She turned her head and looked at Anne. “How’s it going with the new man you told me about?” Linda asked.
“He’s attentive, even romantic at times, but he’s still avoiding most serious discussions. I guess he’s the type who wants to control the speed of the relationship.”
“When I try that I get run over,” Max said.
Everyone laughed.
“Maybe that’s because you like assertive women,” Allison said.
“You should hit on the secretaries,” Gini said. “They tend to be more nurturing than attorneys are.”
“I’m not sure about that,” Anne said, “but Max does bring out a woman’s maternal instincts.”
“This shouldn’t be about me. It’s Linda’s night.”
Don laughed. “Sorry, pal. When you’re the only available rooster in the hen house, you’re going to draw attention.”
The waitress had a big smile on her face as she refilled Max’s coffee cup. “Maybe you should try waitresses,” she said. She was young and very attractive. Her blue eyes almost sparkled when she smiled.
“If I had your phone number, I would.” She wrote her phone number on one of her order pads and handed it to him.
Gini patted Max on the back. “See, there are some good things about entering such a feminine world.”
“By the way, the expression is ah,” Anne told him.
When the first gift was presented Max said, “Ah.”
Everyone laughed. “You should wait until the first one is opened,” Gini said.
“I guess I’m too eager,” Max replied. He was admiring the slim, graceful figure of the waitress as she walked out of the room with the last of the empty plates.
“So I see,” Anne said.
Linda opened the gift. Max and Don both said what seemed to be the mandatory ah. It did not seem right to either of them. Their baritone voices seemed out of place in the chorus of sopranos and altos, and their response to the next gift was more restrained.
Anne said, “Oh.”
Max turned to Gini. “She ohed.”
“Oh’s okay too.”
“Just not ooo.”
“No, not ooo.”
“Oh. But it’s usually ah?”
“Yes.”
The other women seemed to be entertained by the exchange. Linda picked up the gift Max had brought. The wrapping paper must not have been too cute, because the women said ah. Encouraged by this, Max said, “Ah!” as Linda unwrapped the gift.
“Is that the gift you brought?” Anne asked.
“Yes.”
The women laughed. “I guess you’re not supposed to ah over the gift you brought,” Max said.
“No,” Gini said.
“Oops!”
After the shower Linda told Max she was really glad he came. “It makes me think we should invite men to baby showers.”
“Thank you,” Max said. It was the proper response to what he considered to be a complement, but he was determined to avoid baby showers in the future. It was not that he had a bad time; it is just that a baby shower is such a feminine thing. It was really difficult for man react that way to baby clothes and things.
First published in macsbackporch.foxtail-farms.com on Jan 14, 2010
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