To whom am I speaking?

One of the things I have learned in life is that the intended audience is often not the person we appear to be addressing. Sometimes this ruse is benevolent in the sense that we are trying to avoid a direct confrontation with the real target of our comments. Other times this indirect approach is merely deceptive. I offer the following as an example of the latter motive.

A couple, Dennis and Jan, were on the dance floor swaying gently to the soft romantic music. This was when the sumptuous meal they had consumed came into play. Dennis ripped a fart so loud that the heads of many people on the dance floor pivoted in his direction. Jan, being a proper lady, was prepared to ignore this unwanted outburst. Dennis was not. In a stage whisper just loud enough for the dancers near them to hear, he said:

“Don't worry, I’ll tell them I did it!”

Phrasing is everything, and his statement followed most of the basic rules of communication. It was simple, it was brief, and it was seemingly well directed. The problem was that his intended audience was not really Jan; instead it was an audience comprised of the people who were close enough to hear the fart. Those of us who know Dennis well enough to be familiar with his sense of humor found the statement quite funny. Jan was not amused. She stopped dancing and looked at him with an open mouth expression that said “you outrageous son of bitch” far better than any words she could have uttered. In fact, words would have made her situation even worse. Her protestations of innocence and his confessions would have simply kept the subject alive.

I think it would be safe to wager that her private statements to him regarding this issue were neither brief nor simple. It is not enough to ask to whom am I speaking. As funny as we found the joke, he should have also considered the consequences of what he was saying. The one saving grace was that Jan forgave him, but I doubt that she will ever forgot it. I know we will not forget it.

First published in macsbackporch.foxtail-farms.com on Jun 15, 2010