Most of the people who
have alarms installed in their houses and have the signals from those
alarms monitored are normal, reasonable people. They set off their
alarms infrequently and call only when the alarm system is in need of
repair or maintenance. Most of the people who set off their alarms
frequently are a bit careless or forgetful but they are still normal,
reasonable people. They know it is the alarm company calling when
the phone rings after they have set off an alarm, and they have the
good sense to answer the phone and give their passwords. In other
words, most of the people who subscribe to an alarm company’s
services do not create problems. The ones who do create problems
fall roughly into two categories. First there are the people who are
paranoid. The extent to which the paranoid people are a problem
depends on whether the paranoia rises to a level that makes them
delusional. Then there are the subscribers who will not listen to
you or who are incapable of understanding the simplest explanations
or instructions.
Tony could not quantify
it, but he knew that every alarm company had at least a few
subscribers who were paranoid and delusional. The company he worked
for had Pamela. She was convinced that the Chinese were spying on
her. She kept insisting that they had bugged her phone, installed
hidden cameras throughout her house, and had hacked her alarm system
in order to get the codes used to arm and disarm her alarm system.
But it did not end there. She also believed her nearest neighbors,
who were a quarter of a mile from her house and lived at the top of a
steep hill, had somehow defeated her alarm system. She insisted that
they were breaking into her house and were rearranging her
possessions even though there was never any sign of a forcible entry.
The other subscriber
who was a problem was Mrs. Bricker. Tony and his fellow workers
referred to her as the Brick because of the density of the material
that filled just enough of her cranial cavity to keep the wind from
blowing in one ear and whistling out the other ear. The Brick was a
fact denier of the first order. She denied evolution and global
warming. She listened to and watched talk shows in which blow hards
spewed absurd opinions and wild tales about nefarious conspiracies.
Since those blow hards validated her own dark view of the world the
Brick accepted what they were saying without question no matter how
absurd the hypothesis or allegation was. Once this woman formed an
opinion about something that opinion became an unshakable belief that
no fact could dislodge or change.
The technician who had
installed the Brick’s alarm some twenty years ago had done his best
to instruct her on how to use it, but he was not the most patient
person in the world. The combination of her density and his
impatience resulted in the misunderstanding described below:
She told him this was
her second home and it was not her primary residence. She also told
him she had just had a different alarm company install an alarm in
her primary residence. “That alarm has an away button and a stay
button,” she said. “If I push the stay button that alarm will
set the sensors guarding the perimeter but will not set the sensors
guarding the interior. This lets me walk around inside without
setting off my alarm. Why doesn’t your alarm have a stay button?”
“It doesn’t need
one,” the technician said. He had no way of knowing how dense
Mrs. Bricker was at that point, and he made the mistake of trying to
be too thorough. “This alarm system has two ways to arm the
perimeter without arming the interior,” he said. “The first way
to do this is to enter the star and then the nine. The second way is to simply put in the user code. The interior will only arm if
you then open the door that has the delay.”
Explaining both ways to
arm only the perimeter was giving the Brick more information than she
could absorb. Form that point on she heard only what she was
inclined to think. For her the bottom line was that the alarm system
did not have a button she could push to arm the system in the stay
mode.
“But I have to go
through the door to leave.”
“Yes, and it will
then arm the entire system.”
“So without the stay
button it will arm the entire system.”
“Not if you don’t
open the door.”
“But I have to open
the door to leave.”
The technician had a
lot to do that day. It was evident to him that she was not terribly
bright, and he did not want to waste a lot of time trying to make her
understand. So he took a different approach. “Didn’t you say
this is not your primary residence?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Well, this system
will protect your house while you’re away.”
“I wish it had a stay
button, but I guess protecting my house when I’m not here is the
most important thing.”
The Technician then
wished her a good day, and he left. That was the end of it until
someone broke into that house. The Brick was not there when this
occurred. The alarm went off and the dispatcher on duty called the
sheriff. Most intruders do not stay very long when the alarm goes
off, and the person or persons who broke into the Brick’s house
left before the deputy arrived on the scene. He filled out his
incident report and the sheriff’s department informed the alarm
dispatcher and Mrs. Bricker of the break in. The alarm dispatcher
followed the alarm company’s protocol and also called Mrs. Bricker.
The Brick was
reasonable enough to acknowledge that the alarm company did
everything it was supposed to do, but she expressed some concerns
about how she believed the alarm system worked.
“I am afraid to stay
in that house now,” she said. “I can’t stay there unless the
alarm is on, and I can’t turn on the alarm without setting off the
motion sensors.”
“But our systems are
designed to let you arm the perimeter without arming the entire
system.”
“This one isn’t.”
“Why do you think
that?”
“Because that is what
I was told.”
“Who told you that?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Well, I’ll see
that that is changed.”
“Please do, because I
can’t use my house if it isn’t fixed.”
After the Brick hung
up, the dispatcher looked in the downloader, which is used to change
user codes or make other changes to the programming. Much to her
surprise, the panel was programmed to bypass the interior zones until
the door with the delay was opened. The dispatcher then downloaded
that section of the program to make sure that the interior sensors
would be bypassed. The only mistake the dispatcher made was that she
did not enter note into the computer to inform everyone about her
conversation with the Brick.
It was Saturday morning
when Pamela showed up at the door of the alarm company. She did this
frequently because of her belief that her phone was bugged. She
could not have come at a more difficult time. Although most people
set off their alarms infrequently the company Tony worked for
monitored thousands of alarms, so there were still a lot of alarm
signals coming in. This was particularly the case on a weekend
because that was when people were at home. There was also a pattern in
regard to the hours when the alarms are set off. People set off
their alarms in the morning when they get of bed and start opening
doors and windows or later in the afternoon when they are returning
from work or play. Pamela arrived in the morning when people were
leaving or letting their pets out. The door to the alarm company had
the type of window used at the box offices of theaters. There was a
device in the window that allowed Tony to talk to Pamela without
having to open the door.
“They have my user
code,” Pamela said. “You have to change my user code.”
Tony excused himself to
deal with an alarm signal coming in. This was the first of the many
interruptions to their conversion. The problem with changing Pamela’s
user code stemmed from the fact that she did not have a telephone
line hooked up to the alarm panel because she was convinced that
people spying on her were using the phone to hack into her alarm
system. It was an absurd notion, but she could not be convinced of
that. The monitoring computer received signals from her panel
through a radio, which was normally used as a backup to the phone
line. Unlike a phone line the communication the radio provided was
only one way. The radio sent signals from the panel, but the radio
could not send any information to the panel. This meant that the only
way to change her user code was for someone to go to her property and
do it through her key pad. Tony was trying to explain this to Pamela
between the alarm signals he had to process.
“So are you telling
me you can’t change my user code.”
“I’m afraid so.
We’ll have to send a technician to your place to change it, and our
technicians don’t work on the week ends.”
Needless to say that
Pamela was not pleased. Having to wait until Monday to have her user code changed was unacceptable as far as she was concerned. Because
her diatribe was constantly interrupted by the alarm signals, it took
her a full hour to fully vent. By the time she finally left Tony was
emotionally and physically drained. Most of the people who were
going to set off an alarm by opening a door to let the dog out, or to
pick up a newspaper had now done so. This provided Tony with a much welcomed lull
in signals coming in. He had just started writing a report about what
transpired with Pamela when the phone rang. The caller was the
Brick.
“Do you know about
the break in at my house?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Well, I bought a
shot gun. I can’t wait to shoot the bums breaking into my house!”
Tony envisioned a very
different scenario. Most alarms are caused by user error or by
environmental conditions such as high winds rattling ill-fitting
doors or windows. In all likelihood the Brick would be too afraid to
answer her phone after an alarm went off. The dispatcher would then
call the sheriff, and the Brick would either shoot the deputy who
responded or he would see the shotgun and shoot her. Tony, however,
knew the Brick well enough to understand that mentioning his concern
about such a scenario would only cause an argument. He wisely kept
his opinion to himself.
“Have you fixed my
alarm yet?” she asked.
This question caught
Tony off guard. “Was there something wrong with it?”
“Of course there is.
I’ve already explained to you people that I cannot turn it on
without setting off the sensors that guard the interior.”
The conversation that
followed was roughly the same conversation the other dispatcher had
with her. The Brick then went into a very detailed description of
all the things that were wrong with her and her life. This was her
half hour prelude to telling him that setting off an alarm because
the entire system was armed when she set the alarm to stay would be
intolerable. “If the siren goes off I will have a nervous
breakdown!”
Tony looked at the
programming in the downloader. He saw absolutely no reason why the
interior zones would not be bypassed when she entered her code to arm
it. “Just enter your code, the interior zones will be
automatically bypassed until you open a door with a delay on it.”
“So you are saying I
can turn it on without setting off the sensors guarding the
interior?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure,
because I’ll have a nervous breakdown of that siren goes off!”
“I’m sure.”
Tony downloaded that
section of the programming just to be safe. When the Brick arrived
at her house she marched around the interior with her loaded shotgun
like Elmer Fudd hunting the pesky rabbit. The reason why she had
come to this house was to pick up some items she wanted to take to
her other house. She gathered those items and set them next to the
front door. She planned on leaving the next morning. She prepared
to go bed by setting her alarm. At this point she wondered if the
front door was latched and locked. For some inexplicable reason, she
opened the door, then closed it, and relocked it. In doing this she
had just armed the interior zones. A motion sensor detected her as
she walked toward her bedroom, and this set off the siren. The siren
scared her so much that she accidentally discharged the shotgun,
which blew a hole in her wall. She tearfully ran to the keypad to
shut off the siren by entering her code. As she entered her code
she noticed that it was the motion sensor that had gone off. She was
now certain that Tony had lied to her about the alarm bypassing the
interior zones. After calling the alarm company and giving the
dispatcher on duty hell, she sat down in a chair with the shotgun in
her lap. She was too afraid to reset the alarm or to go to sleep.
She called the alarm
company the next morning and demanded to talk to the owner, who she
berated in no uncertain terms. When Tony reported for duty the owner
of the company called him into his office.
“Mrs. Bricker has
been a customer for over twenty years. What the hell did you do?”
“Tony then recounted
his conversation with her and explained that he had checked the
programming and even downloaded the relevant part of it to make sure
it bypassed the interior zones.”
The owner then checked
the programming. After doing this he admitted that whatever happened
was probably not Tony’s fault. “But that does not change the
fact that I’m going to have to let you go. That woman is
threatening to sue me for emotional distress and for the siren
causing her to blow a hole in her wall. She is also threatening to
tell everyone about the horrible thing we did to her. I simply can’t
afford that kind of publicity.”
“And there isn’t
anything you can do short of firing me?”
“I’m afraid not.
She insists on it.”
“That’s really a
bunch of shit!”
“I know, but it’s
the only thing I can do. Are you going to file for unemployment
insurance?”
“Well, I’m not
going to starve while looking for another job.”
“But I’m firing you
for cause.”
“After admitting it
was not my fault?”
The owner turned red.
He knew his objection to Tony collecting unemployment benefits would
not stand. “Don’t bother to work your shift today. You can pick
up your severance check tomorrow morning.”
Tony could do other
things besides working for an alarm company, but finding a position
in a different industry would not be easy. Since he had been working
for this company for almost five years, his best chance for quickly
finding another job would be to apply for a job at another alarm
company. The idea of him working for another alarm company would not
be pleasant for his former boss. Like most entrepreneurs, his former
boss was egotistical enough to think he did something unique enough
to call it a trade secret. The thought of Tony revealing a trade
secret to a competitor would cause his former boss some distress. At
least that is what Tony was hoping.
Two weeks later Tony’s
former employer called him.
“Have you found
another job?”
“No.”
“Well, get off your
lazy ass and report for work tomorrow.”
“What about Mrs.
Bricker?”
“That woman kept
demanding more and more and more. I gave her three months of free
monitoring service and sent someone to repair her wall. Now I’m
installing at cost an alarm that has a keypad with a stay button.”
“And doing that
allows you to re-hire me.”
“Well, I told her a
little lie. I blamed the whole thing on a mythical technician you
sent to her place to correct the problem. I told her I suspended you
and fired him.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Tony hung up the phone.
“The unpredictable,” he muttered. This incident reminded him
that some of the unexpected things that happen because of the human
variable are actually good.
First published in macsbackporch.fictionforall.com on Oct 6, 2011
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