Such classes always go beyond the common sense advice one would expect. In fact it would be more accurate to describe them as gender sensitivity classes. There is always the same canned speech that includes suggested gender-neutral terms to replace words such as mankind, chairman, etc. It is at this point in the speech that a man’s attention usually begins to wonder. This is not to say that men cannot understand why women object to the gender bias in our language; it is just that a male does not have the same emotional reaction to it. For him the avoidance of gender specific words often seems awkward at best. Max was doing his best to look attentive. He almost laughed at Jim’s struggle to stay awake. After the class, Max, Jim, Gini, and Allison went to lunch together.
“Pardon me, ladies, but this whole political correctness thing is getting to be a bit too much,” Jim said. “Please, don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. There are obviously some religious, ethnic and/or gender terms that are so loaded you would have to be a complete bigot to use them. I also agree that we should eliminate gender bias, but the objections have become so picky that it makes a guy feel like he has to tip-toe barefoot through the brambles of over-sensitivity.”
“Since you used the word ‘guy,’ I assume you’re talking about the class we just took,” Allison said.
Allison was a second year associate. She had a law degree from Harvard and was very competitive. Her statement made Jim realize that he had just stepped in something very unpleasant.
Max tried to come to the rescue. “It’s not what the instructor said, but the length of time it took her to say it. Giving one or two examples of the male bias in our language and offering suggested changes was certainly appropriate. As attorneys, however, our primary tool is language, and going beyond one or two examples seemed patronizing to me.”
“Damn right,” Jim said. “We’ve always called man holes, man holes. Calling them unisex holes is bizarre, and calling them person holes isn’t much better.”
“You seem to be attaching some sexual significance to those holes, and you’re doing it because women are the ones who are objecting to making them gender specific,” Allison said.
“Are you accusing me of sexual harassment?”
“No, I’m saying you’re a chauvinist.”
Jim denied the accusation. No one seemed to know what else to say.
Max interrupted the silence. “Change never comes easy. Words such as chairperson or person holes don’t involve grammar. I think what people find more awkward are sentences such as, ‘everyone should do his best to avoid gender bias.’ Adding ‘or her’ seems particularly awkward. I prefer substituting ‘his’ with ‘their.’ While it may not be grammatically correct, it offers some consistency in regard to being inclusive.”
“I agree,” Gini said. “Ours is a living language, and grammar has changed over the years. Many irregular verbs have become regular, and the rule against double negatives only came into being when people decided to make the language more consistent with the rules of math.”
“So here we are still beating the horse about how to remove the gender bias,” Jim said.
“Okay, so maybe I was wrong about lawyers not needing more examples.”
The women smiled. Max excused himself and went to the men’s room. He had a big grin on his face when he returned.
“I hope you weren’t that amused by what you were holding in there,” Jim said.
Both women groaned in disapproval of Jim’s joke.
“You’ve been around Max too long,” Allison said.
“What do you mean?”
“It sounds like something he would say.”
“No, I would have said, ‘I don’t know what you were shooting at, but the look on your face tells me you must’ve hit it.’”
Both women laughed. “Boys and their toys.” Allison said, bringing still more laughter.
“That’s the other thing about sexual harassment,” Jim said. “It’s so damned subjective. My joke was no worse than his was. Why can he get away with making comments that will get other guys in trouble? Is it a matter of looks?”
“That might be part of it,” Gini said, “but I think it’s more a matter of personality. Max is very funny and observant. He is able to determine who will laugh at such comments and who will object to them.”
“But you can’t rule out his looks,” Allison said. “Many of the women start the banter, and at least some of them hope he will hit on them.”
“So the peacock with the brightest tail gets the prize, and you call men shallow,” Jim said.
Gini decided to defuse the situation by changing the subject. She looked at Max. “What did you find so amusing?”
“The splash screen in the urinal had ‘Say No To Drugs’ emblazoned across the front of it. This raised the questions in my mind. Should I pee around it and risk getting splashed, or should I ignore the implications and give it the full stream?”
“Full stream ahead,” Jim said. He was rewarded with laughter.
“It doesn’t look like you got splashed,” Allison observed.
“As Jim will tell you, there is a line a man will draw when it comes to being politically correct. If you wanted to have some fun with the urinal screen, you could put a piece of litmus paper below the message and a sign on the wall saying, ‘Look for the drug detecting strip to change color.’ Can you imagine the reaction of someone who is stoned when he sees that strip change color?”
“I’d hate to be the one who has to clean the wall,” Jim said.
The women laughed again, and Jim was feeling much better about how they were relating to him. He silently congratulated himself for not saying: “Can you imagine the reaction of the cleaning woman when she sees what he did to the wall.” He was certain that he had just avoided another argument about what he thought a woman’s role should be, and he was glad they were returning to the office as friends.
First published in macsbackporch.foxtailfarms.com on Jan. 6, 2010
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