Good Words, Bad Words

The story I am going to post next week has me thinking about adding a warning label to this blog. The fact that there are people who will find some of the subject matter and words in that story objectionable reminds me of my childhood. There were good words and there were bad words. The fuss stirred up by uttering the bad words made them far more memorable than the good ones. Using the bad words when there were no adults present to chastise me was a harmless act of rebellion. I had reached that questioning age when testing what I was being taught was an important part of learning about life. Approaching adulthood was exciting and a little scary. I was lucky enough to have access to two magazines that helped to put things in prospective and satisfy some of my curiosity. I pity anyone who had to go through puberty without Mad Magazine and anyone who had to go through adolescence without Playboy Magazine. It was not just the centerfolds that made Playboy such a delight. It was also the cartoons, the jokes, the wonderful short stories, and the frank discussions. Mad satirized the adult world and Playboy explained many of the mysteries of that world. Both Publications helped me appreciate the complexities of our society and the beauty of our language.

I eventually learned that bad words are bad because they offend other people. Fair enough, but I really dislike what euphemisms do to our language. They ruin perfectly good names and change the meaning of words, such as “gay” and “booty.” I do not know if the colloquial meaning of Dick started out as a euphemism. What I do know is that if your surname is Head, you should not name your son Richard. Most of the Richards I know will not let you call them Dick as it is. I think that is a shame. I also think what happened to Fanny’s name is a shame. Unfortunately, each generation’s tendency to create new euphemisms adds to the number of names and words that are ruined. It has gotten so bad that you have to think twice before putting your name on a product. Consider the case of Thomas Crapper. Here is a man who designed and manufactured a wonderful device, and look at how we treat his good name. Imagine how people would react to Fanny’s name if she married Mr. Crapper!

Euphemisms are a foolish attempt to find an acceptable way to refer to things people consider vulgar or profane. I say foolish because those things are what they are regardless of what we call them. This brings up the larger question. How do we decide what subjects and words are acceptable? I am not the first one to pose this question. Comedians, in particular, have had a lot of fun with questions about why we find some subjects and words profane. Lenny Bruce was one of the earliest and the foremost comedian to do this. Unfortunately, I do not recall the routine verbatim. While my description is generally accurate, I have to admit that I took some liberties in regard to where I placed the quotation marks. Consider it poetic license.

He opened his routine by saying: “I have a reputation for putting on a dirty show. I use one word people find particularly offensive. All right, lets get that out of the way. I’m going to say that word right now.” He then yelled, “Snot!” He waited for the laughter to die down before adding: “I’ll bet you thought I was going to say fuck, didn’t you?”

The reason why this routine worked so well is because “fuck” was the king of cuss words. It had shock value. Lenny Bruce was arrested more than once for using it on stage. Fortunately, he and others continued to push the envelope. They were courageous enough to challenge our concept of obscenity, and they often paid a high price for doing it. Their challenges resulted in court cases that gave us a broader and more consistent interpretation of the First Amendment. Thanks to Mr. Bruce and others we can now say anything we want on or off the stage. I am grateful for that. I think freedom of speech is far too precious to allow any unnecessary restrictions. The problem is that many entertainers are now going too far. My objection is not based on what I consider to be decent or indecent. Nor would I ever advocate any form of censorship. My objection is based on artistic grounds. Entertainers have become so explicit that we are now losing some of the art. I really miss the clever double entendres and innuendos. In an effort to demonstrate what I consider to be the difference between artful phrases and needlessly explicit ones, I offer the following examples:

Artful: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Explicit: Is that a gun in your pocket or do you have a hard on?

Artful: If the world seems like a dark and smelly place, perhaps it’s because of where you have your head.

Explicit: If the world seems like a dark and smelly place, it’s because you have your head up your ass.

Artful: That running back fumbles so much no one will stand next to him at a urinal.

Explicit: That running back would fumble his penis.

I would be willing to bet that most of you found the artful phrasing funnier than the explicit phrasing. Artful phrasing is not like a euphemism. It is not a matter of being delicate or trying not to offend. Instead, it is a way of pulling your audience in. If you are too explicit, members of your audience do not have to think. They become mere spectators. If you are artful, you should inspire an “aha!” Your audience should think, “I get that, and it’s funny!”

There is an old saw that says familiarity breeds contempt. I think that is overstating it, but too much exposure does desensitize you. If you frequently drop the word “shit” into your normal conversations, it becomes a common word dropping. If you save that word until there is a need for it, such as when you discover you are out of toilet paper, it becomes a poignant expression of disgust. Using a mild substitute such as “shoot” is far too lame under those circumstances. This is particularly true if you dropped your load before you discovered that the roll was empty. Similarly, if you are walking through your yard barefoot and you inadvertently step in dog shit, what you have stepped in is not dog droppings, crap, or a pile of dung. It is shit! And the odds are that you will shout that word loud and clear. My point is that words considered profane are a part of the language, but they are special words. They should not be wasted on the ordinary.

It occurs to me that it is now too late to add a warning label to this blog. If you are one of those people who think I should not use “vulgar words” under any circumstances, I have already offended you with this essay. That is all right. I will defend my right to use those words, but I will also defend your right to criticize me for offending you. Whether you agree with me or not, I wish you well.

First published in macsbackporch.bogspot.com on Mar. 19, 2009